I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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