glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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