Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
