so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
