Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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