There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
