I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
