I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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