I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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