Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
