The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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