I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
