Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
