capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
