I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
