try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
