I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
