pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
