ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
