We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
