Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
