just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
