Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
