Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
