I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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