So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
