It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
