I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
