somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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