i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
