when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
