I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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