my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
