Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
