It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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