I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
