Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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