apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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