I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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