Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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