Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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