How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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