i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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