Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
