I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
