If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
