he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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