I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
