I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
