Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
