the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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