the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
