1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
