is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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