The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We're too hungover to prance.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
