I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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