I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
