im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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