I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
