i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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