The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
