i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Randomize
