And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i drank out of a bidet.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
