I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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