My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
