I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
