Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
