Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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